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Insecurities in a Relationship:
8 Effective Ways to
Overcome Them

It's a hard truth that insecurities can ruin even the strongest relationships. Find out more about the causes of insecurities, how they influence relationships,
and the best ways to overcome them.
Relationships are built on trust, love, and mutual understanding. Every relationship has its ups and downs, especially when either individual's needs are not met. This can foster deep insecurities in an individual regarding their relationship and themselves. We all have felt vulnerable at some point in our lives, but it is important that our partner make us feel safe, secure, and confident in order not to bring about insecurities in a relationship. Insecurities and relationships do not go hand in hand. Although it might be difficult to identify the cause of insecurities in a relationship, it's not impossible. With conscious effort and self-reflection, it becomes a little easier to understand how you (and your partner) can deal with insecurities. On the contrary, if insecurities in a relationship are left unaddressed, they might cause dysfunctionality in other aspects of life as well. So, let's dive right into the signs of insecurity in a relationship and look at how to fix a potentially emotionally draining relationship.
Man’s and woman’s feet in front of each other as a metaphor of insecurities and conflicts in relationship

Signs of and Reasons behind
Insecurity in a Relationship

Here are a few signs that might help you recognize the insecurities in relationships and the reasons behind them.

1. Having trust issues with your partner

Having insecurities in a relationship can prevent you from trusting your partner's words and actions and leave you in a constant state of anxiety. This apprehension may provoke you to check their phone or to spy on them unnecessarily. Insecurities and trust issues affect the very nature of your relationship and may lead to jealousy and lack of communication.
A couple with insecurities in relationship standing back to back with phones in their hands

2. Internalizing negative thoughts

Negative thoughts are hard to push away, but most of our thoughts are not reality. When we start to internalize our negative thoughts, they can breed insecurity in a relationship. For example, even having recurring thoughts like "what if he finds someone better than me?" may make you believe that you are not good enough. Consequently, the negative thoughts will lead to insecurities and destroy relationships.

3. Comparing yourself to your partner's exes

Insecurity and Jealousy often coincide. When you feel jealous or insecure about your relationship, it affects your self-worth. Thus, you start comparing yourself to their ex-partners and fear you will not meet certain standards.

4. Needing constant reassurance from your partner

Asking for reassurance is another way of seeking comfort and security in a relationship. But when you feel the need for constant reassurance from your partner and it seems like their opinion becomes overly important in every little decision, that may be a sign of insecurity in a relationship.

5. Having a low sense of self-worth

It is important to keep your sense of self intact. If you believe that it is your partner's responsibility to make you feel that you are fun enough, smart enough, or good-looking enough, then it's likely you will never be fully satisfied with yourself. This is another sign of insecurity in a relationship.

How Insecurities Affect Relationships

A woman sitting on a sofa thinking about insecurities in a relationship
Insecurities are a heavy burden to bear as it affects all aspects of our lives, especially relationships. If insecurities in relationships are causing you to have negative thoughts and they consume you on a daily basis, that's when your insecurities affect your relationships. It comes with self-loathing and a fear that your partner might leave you because you are not enough or the relationship won't work out.

Can insecurities ruin a relationship?

Some sense of insecurity in a relationship is not all bad. It could be what motivates you to put effort into your relationship and value your partner. However, if there are excessive insecurity and trust issues in a relationship, then it creates a toxic environment. It can suffocate you and your partner and can ruin your relationship. The constant fights, insecurity, and jealousy make you lose stability in your relationship. Insecurities feed on trust issues and comparisons, and they can pull you and your partner apart. This is how insecurities destroy relationships. If you are going through a rough patch in your relationship, don't worry! We've got you covered. Let's walk you through some of the most effective ways to fix a relationship that is seemingly going south.

8 Effective Ways to Overcome Insecurities

Constant insecurities can ruin your relationships as it will lead you to overthink every minor inconvenience that you and your partner face. Many people think that insecurities and trust issues arise because of a difference in opinion between partners, but most of our insecurities are the projection of our own traumas and past experiences. Here are the eight most effective ways to overcome our insecurities.

1. Maintain your independence

Relationship insecurities occur when you are dependent on your partner and have a weakened sense of self. Being overdependent on your partner can be unhealthy and make you doubt your self-worth. Start focusing on yourself through dedicated "me" time by doing things you love, such as painting, reading, working out, etc.

2. Improve your self-esteem

Research claims that insecurities in a relationship stem from poor self-esteem and lack of confidence. When you don't feel good on the inside, you will naturally look toward outside sources for validation. This may raise the need for constant reassurance. To become more confident and increase your self-esteem, it is important to silence your self-critic, develop self-compassion, and retain your focus on the things you are good at.

    3. Get an outside-in perspective

    Looking at your relationship issues from someone else's perspective might help you understand your problem more rationally. Getting an outside-in perspective, looking at yourself through other people's eyes, might help you understand how to resolve an issue and talk about it with your partner instead of letting your insecurities affect your relationship.
    Two birds with a heart on a background as an allusion of people who have beaten insecurities in a relationship

    4. Put yourself in your partner's shoes

    When insecurities stem in our relationship, we tend to identify the issue through a personal perspective, which may bring bias to our judgment. It is crucial to opt for a more empathetic approach and see the problem from our partners' perspective as well. To do so, you could ask yourself some questions and answer them from your partner's point of view. This will help with perspective taking and getting into their shoes.

    5. Don't look at the relationship as black and white

    On some days, the relationship road may be smooth, while other days you'll have to experience more of a bumpy one. A relationship can't be all good or bad — it's a combination of both. Throwing all your good memories away due to small insecurities is not the way to go. You have to balance your relationship by acknowledging every good and bad experience with an open mind.

    6. Instead of overthinking, identify your triggers

    Overthinking can make us paranoid about situations that might never happen in our relationship. Therefore, it is important to think rationally to avoid feeling insecure. You can try meditation to foster a clear mind and identify the triggers of paranoid thoughts in order to deal with insecurities in your relationship.

    7. Talk fairly to your partner

    If you are becoming affected by your partner's behavior or if something is bothering you, then you need to talk straight from the heart to your partner. It will not only help you resolve the issue but also strengthen the relationship and improve your communication.

    8. Go see a therapist

    If you feel like nothing is going well in your relationship and you feel stuck, then you can always seek out professional help from a family therapist or relationship counselor who knows how to deal with relationship insecurities.

    Summary

    It is important to remember that no one is perfect and no one needs to be perfect to be happy and have a healthy relationship. It's the amount of love and compassion you invest in your relationship that makes it long-lasting. If you want to build a healthy and happy relationship on a foundation of trust and confidence, it is important to understand the signs of insecurity in a relationship so that you can work on overcoming them.

    Sources

    1. https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14106/5-communication-mistakes-that-kill-relationships.html
    2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-out-your-mind/201805/how-deal-insecurities-and-difficult-thoughts
    3. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201110/self-loathing-and-relationships-believe-in-others-who-believe-in-you
    4. https://www.bustle.com/articles/147065-6-times-youre-projecting-your-insecurities-onto-your-relationship
    5. https://www.researchgate.net/profile/John_Holmes9/publication/13373800_Through_a_looking_glass_darkly_When_self-doubts_turn_into_relationship_insecurities/links/0046352cdcd585933f000000.pdf
    6. https://positivepsychology.com/self-compassion-5-steps/
    7. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-power-personal-narrative/201906/the-power-perspective-taking
    8. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/paranoia/about-paranoia/
    9. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/can-i-learn-to-think-more-rationally/
    10. https://yourholisticpsychologist.com/let-your-triggers-be-your_teacher/

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